"You know the world is going crazy when the best rapper is a white guy, the best golfer is a black guy, France is accusing the US of arrogance and Germany doesn't want to go to war."
PuN
He he got jokes post um here!! :D
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eXg. Pun1sher
- Number One
- Posts: 9280
- Joined: Tue Dec 27, 2005 5:11 pm
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eXg. Pun1sher
- Number One
- Posts: 9280
- Joined: Tue Dec 27, 2005 5:11 pm
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Mogwai {KAN}
- Forum Bot
- Posts: 307
- Joined: Fri Jan 13, 2006 4:23 pm
- Location: Buffalo, N.Y. United States of America
1. Only in America......can a pizza get to your house faster than an ambulance.
2. Only in America......are there handicap parking places in front of a skating rink.
3. Only in America......do drugstores make the sick walk all the way to the back of the store to get their prescriptions while healthy people can buy cigarettes at the front.
4. Only in America......do people order double cheese burgers, large fries, and a diet coke.
5. Only in America......do banks leave both doors open and then chain the pens to the counters.
6. Only in America......do we leave cars worth thousands of dollars in the driveway and put our useless junk in the garage.
7. Only in America......do we use answering machines to screen calls and then have call waiting so we won't miss a call from someone we didn't want to talk to in the first place.
8. Only in America......do we buy hot dogs in packages of ten and buns in packages of eight.
9. Only in America.....do we use the word 'politics' to describe the process so well: 'Poli' in Latin meaning 'many' and 'tics' meaning 'bloodsucking creatures'.
10. Only in America......do they have drive-up ATM machines with Braille lettering.
11. Only in America......can a homeless combat veteran live in a cardboard box and a draft dodger live in the White House. (This was popular when Clinton was in office)
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Mogwai {KAN}
- Forum Bot
- Posts: 307
- Joined: Fri Jan 13, 2006 4:23 pm
- Location: Buffalo, N.Y. United States of America
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Mogwai {KAN}
- Forum Bot
- Posts: 307
- Joined: Fri Jan 13, 2006 4:23 pm
- Location: Buffalo, N.Y. United States of America
There was a little girl and a little boy playing in the sandbox, one day they got in a fight, the boy says "my dady is stronger than your dady", the girls replys saying" My mommy is smarter that your mommy", well the little boy gets up and pulls down his pants and says, "well i got one of these", the little girl dosnt know what to say so she runs off crying. the next day there playing in the sandbox, and they start fighting again, the little boy says" my dadys truck is bigger than your dadys truck", the little girl says, "my mommy has a better job than your mommy", well the little boy gets up, pulls down his pants and says" well i got one of these", the little girl again runs off crying. The next day they where playing in the sandbox, the little boy says" My brother could beat up your brother", the little girls says, "my sister is prettyer than your sister", well the little boy get up and pulls down his pants and says, " well i got one of these", this time the little girl gets up and pulls down here skirt and says" my mommy told me i can get as many of those as i want with one of these"and the little boy runs off crying
-The Mog-
-The Mog-
Yo momma so fat, scientists have declared her ass to be the 10th planet.
Yo momma's so stupid, she got hit by a parked car.
Your momma's so poor she can't even pay attention!
Your mamma is so fat she's on both sides of the family.
Your mamma is so fat when we were having sex I rolled over 9 times and I was still on the b***h!!!!!
Yo momma so ugly your Grandma threw her on the street and was charged for littering.
Yo momma so fat the last time she saw 90210 was on the scale!
Yo momma so ugly, she walked into Taco Bell and everyone ran for the border.
Yo momma is like a toilet; fat, white, and smells like s**t !!
Yo momma is like a bowling ball, gets picked up fingered, thrown in the gutter and b***h comes back for more.
Your mamma is so poor she was kicking a can down the street, asked what she was doing and she said moving.
Yo momma is like a bottle of ketchup, she gets turned around, banged, and then she comes out slow.
Your mother is like a doorknob.... everyone gets a turn!
Your mom is like a race car driver, she burns 50 rubbers a day.
Your momma is like a vacuum cleaner, she sucks, blows and gets laid in the closet.
Your mothers so fat, they tie a rope around her shoulders and drag her through a tunnel when they want to clean it.
Yo momma's so stupid she thought a quarterback is a refund.
Yo momma's glasses are so thick when she looks at a map she sees people waving.
Yo momma's hair so greasy when she gets in the car the oil light comes on.
Yo momma is a carpenter's dream...she's flat as a board and she's never been screwed.
Yo momma is so fat she has more chins than a Chinese phonebook.
Yo momma is so fat her blood type is rocky road.
Yo momma is so fat when God said let there be light, he said move your fat butt out of the way.
Yo momma is so dumb she got hit by a park car.
Yo momma is so dumb she tripped over a cordless phone.
Yo momma is so fat she uses a mattress as a tampon.
Yo momma is so fat she put on a pair of Guess Jeans and the answer popped out.
Yo momma's so fat, she irons her clothes on the drive way!
Yo momma's glasses are so thick, when she looks at a map she sees people waving.
Yo momma's so fat, she was floating in the ocean and Spain claimed her for the new world!
Yo momma's so ugly, when you look up "ugly" in the dictionary, there's a picture of her!
Yo momma's so short, she does back flips under the bed!
Yo momma is like a shotgun, one cock and she'll blow
Yo momma's so fat she can't even fit in the chat room.
Yo Momma's so fat she gets her toenails painted at Lucky's Auto Body.
Your momma's armpits so stink she put on Right Guard and it went left.
Your momma's like a hardware store, 5 cents a screw.
Your momma's house is so small, when you buy a large pizza you have to go outside and eat it
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eXg. Phenom
- Open Roster
- Posts: 3464
- Joined: Sun Apr 29, 2007 1:22 pm
- Location: Denver, Colorado
- Contact:
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Mogwai {KAN}
- Forum Bot
- Posts: 307
- Joined: Fri Jan 13, 2006 4:23 pm
- Location: Buffalo, N.Y. United States of America
Twas the night before Christmas
And all through the house;
Everyone felt shitty,
Even the mouse.
Dad drinking whiskey,
Mom smoking grass,
I had just settled down
For a nice piece of ass.
When out on the lawn
There arose such a clatter
That I sprang from my piece
To see what was the mater!
He came down the chimney
Like a bat out of Hell,
I knew right away
That the fat f****r fell.
He filled all the stockings
With pretzels and beer,
And a big rubber dick,
For my brother the queer,
He rose up the chimney
With one hell of a fart;
That son of a b***h
Blew the chimney apart.
He swore and he cursed
As he flew out of sight;
Shouting "piss on you all,
Have a hell of a night!"
Merry Christmas!
And all through the house;
Everyone felt shitty,
Even the mouse.
Dad drinking whiskey,
Mom smoking grass,
I had just settled down
For a nice piece of ass.
When out on the lawn
There arose such a clatter
That I sprang from my piece
To see what was the mater!
He came down the chimney
Like a bat out of Hell,
I knew right away
That the fat f****r fell.
He filled all the stockings
With pretzels and beer,
And a big rubber dick,
For my brother the queer,
He rose up the chimney
With one hell of a fart;
That son of a b***h
Blew the chimney apart.
He swore and he cursed
As he flew out of sight;
Shouting "piss on you all,
Have a hell of a night!"
Merry Christmas!
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Veloc1ty90
- Forum Master
- Posts: 1234
- Joined: Mon Jan 23, 2006 6:14 pm
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Mogwai {KAN}
- Forum Bot
- Posts: 307
- Joined: Fri Jan 13, 2006 4:23 pm
- Location: Buffalo, N.Y. United States of America
blond (phenom) brunette and a red head (me) are out in the forest. They all need food to survive. So the brunette goes out and brings back a deer. the blond and the red head are like WOW how'd ya do that?! The girl said I found the tracks followed the trcks killed the deer. So the next day the red head (me) goes out and brings back a HUGE elk. They are like Holly $#!+ howd you get that?! I said i found the trcks followed the tracks and killed the elk. Well the next day its the blond's (Phenom's) turn. He comes back bloodys as all He77. We are like dang what happened. Well I found the tracks, followed the tracks, and got hit by the train.
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Queer Eye 4 The Dung Guy
Three women die together in an accident and go to heaven.
When they get there, St. Peter says, "We only have one rule here in heaven: don't step on the ducks!"
So they enter heaven, and sure enough, there are ducks all over the place. It is almost impossible not to step on a duck, and although they try their best to avoid them, the first woman accidentally steps on one.
Along comes St. Peter with the ugliest man she ever saw.
St. Peter chains them together and says, "Your punishment for stepping on a duck is to spend eternity chained to this ugly man!"
The next day, the second woman steps accidentally on a duck and along comes St. Peter, who doesn't miss a thing. With him is another extremely ugly man. He chains them together with the same admonishment as for the first woman.
The third woman has observed all this and, not wanting to be chained for all eternity to an ugly man, is very, VERY careful where she steps.
She manages to go months without stepping on any ducks, but one day St. Peter comes up to her with the most handsome man she has ever laid eyes on ... very tall, long eyelashes, muscular, and thin.
St. Peter chains them together without saying a word.
The happy woman says, "I wonder what I did to deserve being chained to you for all of eternity?"
The guy says, "I don't know about you, but I stepped on a duck!"
When they get there, St. Peter says, "We only have one rule here in heaven: don't step on the ducks!"
So they enter heaven, and sure enough, there are ducks all over the place. It is almost impossible not to step on a duck, and although they try their best to avoid them, the first woman accidentally steps on one.
Along comes St. Peter with the ugliest man she ever saw.
St. Peter chains them together and says, "Your punishment for stepping on a duck is to spend eternity chained to this ugly man!"
The next day, the second woman steps accidentally on a duck and along comes St. Peter, who doesn't miss a thing. With him is another extremely ugly man. He chains them together with the same admonishment as for the first woman.
The third woman has observed all this and, not wanting to be chained for all eternity to an ugly man, is very, VERY careful where she steps.
She manages to go months without stepping on any ducks, but one day St. Peter comes up to her with the most handsome man she has ever laid eyes on ... very tall, long eyelashes, muscular, and thin.
St. Peter chains them together without saying a word.
The happy woman says, "I wonder what I did to deserve being chained to you for all of eternity?"
The guy says, "I don't know about you, but I stepped on a duck!"